I love
the crap out of dreams. I think they are so fascinating. Your dreams can say so
much about you. For instance, I have reoccurring dreams about my teeth falling
out. Apparently, it means I’m afraid of getting older. That may or may not be
true, but for some reason my subconscious mind is creating these images in my
head and I wish I knew why.
Have
you ever heard of sleep paralysis? It. Is. Intense. I’ve had it before twice.
It’s when there’s a sort of disconnect between your brain and your body. So
basically, your mind is awake but you can’t move your body because it doesn’t
realize it’s supposed to be awake with your brain.
Tale
tell signs of sleep paralysis are not being able to move, being in a dream
state but you know you’re awake, and feeling as though there’s an intruder in
the room. Already, it sounds pretty freaky right?
One
night, I had just fallen asleep when I heard the crappy AM/FM radio on my phone
turn on. I tried to move to turn it off and immediately realized that I could
not move a single muscle in my body. Then it hit me that there was no way my
phone radio could turn on like that, and I’m pretty sure there wasn’t even a
radio on my phone.
I began
to panic. I couldn’t move, I was trying to talk but it came out in jumbled up
jibberish, and I felt that there was someone sitting on my legs. I kept trying
to open my eyes to see who it was but everything was blurry because I couldn’t
get them open all the way.
Suddenly
I felt a cold breathe in my ear. Like someone was whispering in it, it tickled,
but the breath was so cold and tingly. It felt like there was a snow storm
inside of my ear. I remember wrestling a little, trying to break away from the
cold feeling in my ear when it started to talk.
YEAH,
THE COLD, CREEPY, TINGLY VOICE STUCK IN MY HEAD.. BEGAN TO TALK TO ME. Do you
know how horrifying that is? I could’ve sworn there was a ghost talking to me.
I did not know how I felt about that.
The
words trickled into my ear like ice, “I am your brother.” First things first,
what? I don’t have any brothers. I tried to say, “You’re not my fucking
brother.” But it came out sounding something more like, emmmnahterfukerbrozzzzzzz.
So telling the ghost to fudge off was not working.
I could
still feel the icicles melting in my ear, but it wasn’t saying anything else. I
kept trying to fight the paralysis, knowing that there was something in the
room now and I had to get out. I had pangs of panic and adrenaline running in
and out of my heart like a busy kitchen. At this point, I honestly believed
that there was a force, or presence, or person sitting on me.
Finally,
I broke free. I immediately sat up. I was breathing heavily, preparing to run
from the ghost, intruder, or whatever it was. Instead, I saw my room. My plain
old, just-how-I-left- it room. My sister was sound asleep in her bed across the
room from me.
The
adrenaline drew it’s lines back from my heart, and I began to take deep
breaths. I rationalized that it was all sleep paralysis. It was normal, just a common
malfunction of the brain.
The
next day, I was having a droning conversation about my parents’ divorce with my mom. I’m
assuming that we were talking about family and children because my mom
mentioned a miscarriage she had. The first time my parents tried for a baby,
they lost it late in the pregnancy. They said I would’ve had an older brother right
now, because it was a boy.