I wish Abraham Lincoln was actually a vampire slayer.

                I am sick of vampires because of Twilight. I’ll admit I read the books, but they were horrible. I couldn’t even finish the last one. It was that bad!

                Questions for Stephanie Meyers: Since when do vampires sparkle? Who told you it’d be a good idea to add werewolves to your already far-fetched story? Do you know how to read? How old are you?

                Here’s the real problem with vampires, they’re not cute or nice. They kill you. I miss stories about vampires when they were actually scary. Every vampire movie should be a gore-fest, just saying. Come on! They suck blood! As far as I’m concerned, the Cullens are all pussies.

                A couple of good vampire movies are Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, that one you absolutely must see. It’s not only hysterical, but the kill shots are off the charts. And, the vampires are actually scary! They’re not obviously powered down with pale cover-up, and they definitely do not sparkle like crystals in the sun.

                Another great vampire movie is 30 Days of Night. The story line isn’t wonderful, and the actors are alright, but the vampires make me pee my pants. I actually had nightmares about this movie.

                Looking back at those movies, it’s sad to see where the reputation of vampires has gone. If you ask anyone to see a vampire movie with you, especially guys, they will automatically think, “Chick Flick.” That’s not how it’s supposed to be!

                So Stephanie Meyers, PLEASE STOP. One day, I want to live in a world where people are afraid of vampires. A world where they don’t go to prom, or drive Volvos, or sneak into your room at night and gently watch you sleep. It’s just wrong!

 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer

 30 Days of Night