I'm dead serious when I say zombies are dangerous.

                How would I handle a zombie apocalypse you ask? Oh, I’ll tell you. I can go on for hours on this subject. It’s actually probably a bad idea for me to even start this blog. It could go on for infinity.

                Alright, so let’s say I’m lucky in this situation, and I’m one of the first people to know that there’s a zombie apocalypse coming. The first thing I would do is hit up Walmart. I would steal every possible non-perishable food I can carry, grab pounds and pounds of water bottles, and get tanks of gasoline.

The rest of the room in my get-away car would be spared for guns. I can steal a bunch from Walmart and my dad owns like eight. Literally, I opened a drawer in my bathroom one time and found a revolver. That’s not creepy? And, if you check drawers around the house or in the cabinets, you’ll probably find various types of bullets.

                After I have my supply, I have to consider my clan. In a zombie apocalypse, it’s necessary to have a group of people you can rely on. They have to be able to keep up with me. They have to be able to think fast. Fast runners preferred. These people need to be able to keep calm in stressful situations, too. We can’t be making stupid mistakes.

                Now comes the tricky part as far as the people go. I think a lot about who I’d take with me out of my family. Let’s face it, my parents are not in great shape and will probably get bit by a zombie. They probably would be okay with that, too. Their mentality would probably sound something like, “I’m almost sixty years old, I’m twenty pounds overweight, and I’m just not going to deal with this shit right now.”

                That leaves my two sister, Hannah, the oldest, and Meredith, the youngest. Hannah is immediately eliminated. Hannah freaks out at the sight of a scrap. She’s too soft, too slow, too scared. If we ever ran into zombies as a team, I’d be killing the zombies and then I’d probably have to watch her turn into one too. No thanks that sounds like it sucks.

                This leaves Meredith, the younger sister. Her, I would keep with me for as long as I can. Meredith has this natural intuition, she always knows what to do. She is wise beyond her years and we get along much better.

                I’ve actually had this conversation with her. We pretty much agreed that Meredith and I would be the only ones out of our family to make it. She’s athletic and really strong, but she’s still quick like a bunny. I’m really fast and small, so I don’t make a lot of commotion.

                Also, if anyone I know, my friends, my mom, my dad, Hannah, even Meredith, if you turn into a zombie I will kill you. George Romero zombie apocalypses happened in his movie based around the idea that the zombie virus would spread only because it would be too hard for us to kill our loved ones. Let me be clear now, I have no problem putting a bullet between the eyes of any walker. Once you’re one of them, you’re not one of us.

                Another sticky situation is the place you would go. In a perfect world, I’d move up north, closer to Canada. I’d go into a huge forest in the middle of nowhere, make a small cabin and live there. You could easily fish every day for food and go hunting. There would be little to no zombies, too, because how the hell would a zombie get into the middle of the woods? All the zombies would be concentrated on cities and areas with large hospitals.
 P.s. STAY AWAY FROM HOSPITALS AND THE CDC. They will not help you.

                The problem is getting around. Because, in reality, you probably wouldn’t know there was a zombie apocalypse till EVERYONE knew. So streets and highways will be really cluttered. In that case, I’d go into a forest preserve around here, wait till the zombies are forced to move into the woods to hunt animals, because all the humans would be changed, and then slowly and carefully make my way to Canada.

                Once there, I’d wait it out for as long as I could. Zombies have to starve at some point. The only part I can’t think through is what happens after that? How will I know if they’re all starving? How long will it take? I’d like to think three to five years. I’d probably wait five just to be safe.

                But, even after that, how would you come in contact with other survivors. The worst case scenario, you’re the last person alive. If that’s the situation, then damn. You’re a real champion. You should feel really accomplished because you won against the zombies, but you’re alone. That just sounds horrible.

                So if I can’t do any of that, screw it. I’ll purposely become a zombie. That’s so much less stress for me. You know what they say, if you can’t beat them, join them.